Greener Grass

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”  – Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

I’ve read everything I can get my hands on by Eckhart Tolle.  Yet his lesson is one I struggle to live by.  How many times a day do you think about how life would be better if things were different in some way?

We all do it.  Let’s come clean.  We do it to ourselves and it’s killing us.  Maybe it’s time to let go of our fantasies of greener grass.  Maybe it’s time to nurture the inner knowing that all is well, right here, right now, with everything exactly as it is.

Even Wikipedia defines the proverb as being when: “other circumstances seem more desirable than one’s own but in reality are often not.”  The “in reality are often not” part is what we need to begin to admit to ourselves.

Buddha said, “Attachment leads to suffering.”  I agree.  And he wasn’t just talking about attachment to material possessions.  He was also referring to attachment to our beliefs that things need to be a certain way for us to be at peace, to be happy.

According to a Psychology Today article titled, Mythbusters: The Grass is NOT Always Greener on the Other Side, “many troubles of the mind involve turning away from reality by being preoccupied with the search for another life, a different life, perhaps a better life somewhere else.  Psychoanalysts have job security because we have an understanding that the only way to find mental health is to turn toward the life that you have and to deal with it.”  To see the entire article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/headshrinkers-guide-the-galaxy/201107/mythbusters-the-grass-is-not-always-greener-the-other-sid

Are you plagued by any of the following thoughts?  Do you hear people make statements like these regularly?

If only I had her… house / relationship / hair / education / confidence / body / life

If only I had his… experience / parents / sense of humor / resourcefulness / nose / attitude

If only I were… married / single again / in love / on my own / certain

Things will be better when I’m able to… move / pay off the debt / take a vacation / take a breath

If only I had a nicer… home / car / boss / couch / sister / wardrobe / ass

If I just had better control of my… pain / anger / judgment / fears / habits / obsessions / thoughts

If only I could relax and enjoy my… family / food / work / friends / life

If I just had a little more… courage / time / money / support / skill / energy

If I could only… get organized / heal myself / remember / forget / move on

All I want is someone who… understands me / desires me / listens to me / is kind to me

If my child could just be… better behaved / more focused / neater / respectful / healthy

If I could summon the strength to… start over / call it quits / let it go / tell the truth / decide

It would all be different if I hadn’t… gone through that / done that / said that / missed that chance

If I could just find time to… exercise / cook / listen to music / read / paint / sing / dance / live

If my friends weren’t so… busy / selfish / negative / critical / far away  

If it could just be like it was in that… movie / song / novel / TV show / dream

If only… she didn’t have to die / he hadn’t left / she said I’m sorry / he forgave me

ONE OR TWO SOUND FAMILIAR?  LET’S START TO TURN IT AROUND…

Maybe all I need to do is… change my thinking / see the beauty all around / fall in love with myself 

Maybe it’s enough to be… present / grateful / still / humble / honest / learning / in process / awake

Maybe gently, slowly, with love, I can change… my relationships / my mind / my body / my habits

Maybe I could adjust my expectations of… myself / others / circumstances / relationships / life

If I just start to appreciate… the little things / what’s right in front of me / the present moment

Maybe my very own grass will suddenly be as green as it can be, right now.

One last thing… my book is a cautionary tale about the illusion of greener grass and the lengths some will go to in pursuing it.  Do you remember how Beth describes Dave’s eye color?  It’s not when she’s actually with him, but when she’s fantasizing about him, of course.  You don’t know anyone with eyes that color, do you?

Thanks for reading,
Patricia

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