Answers
**If you haven’t read the book, please see the brief blurb here: http://www.patriciamann.me for the context for this blog post.
No, I did not have an affair with a former student fourteen years younger than me. Yes, I am a professor. No, all the things that happened in Beth’s life did not exactly happen in my life. Yes, many of the feelings Beth felt are feelings I have had. To those who say it’s appalling that Beth would do what she did with a twenty one year old kid when she was thirty five and married: I understand, and I thank you for your honesty. I need to hear it.
Yet, I would ask if you’ve ever taught twenty one year old young men, as I have for twenty years. You’re absolutely right – some are immature and selfish, but some are special, different. Dave is a figment of my imagination, yet each semester I have potential Daves in my classes. All my colleagues do, male or female, gay or straight, married or not, and I know they’ve wondered too, and some have taken it farther than wondering – but only after the class is over, to be fair.
Things are so different for me now though. I feel more like a mother to my young students. I am close to ten years older than Beth. She frustrates me as much as she frustrates some of you. Please understand that. But the story I told could happen, has happened, will happen, just not to me. It was truly meant to be a cautionary tale.
To those who have asked me outright, I commend you for your courage and curiosity. I am a huge fan of totally open communication. I’m sorry my answer hasn’t been a clean yes or no. It just isn’t like that. For those of you who have wondered but were afraid to ask, the primary answer is no, but there is also a yes, to some parts.
I wanted to tell Beth’s story because she made a mistake, a very common mistake. Infidelity is occurring all around you, whether you’re aware of it or not. I know that because I’m one of those people who others seem to feel safe confiding in. Maybe you are too. Somehow people know I don’t judge – I can’t – I’m far too imperfect myself and painfully aware of it. I am constantly thinking shit, if people knew the things I knew… about family members, friends, colleagues, perfect strangers who tell me their secrets. Sometimes it’s a lot to bear. Maybe that’s part of why I wrote the book.
So I told the story I had to tell. I frequently wish it could have been a different story. But it is what it is. The next story is starting to come to me and I can’t stop that either. It’s more about the aftermath, the repair attempts. Based on all the helpful feedback I’ve received, I’ll try to make Beth stronger, I’ll include more sex ;-), and I’ll try to leave less unfinished business… but then again, there may be a book three someday, so we’ll see.
Thank you to those who have read the book. There was a time I couldn’t imagine that would happen. Thank you for sharing all the feelings it has stirred in you – compassion, frustration, understanding, anger, sadness, forgiveness, a new appreciation for your own life, and more.
While I am (like you) pretty busy with endless obligations, my conversations with those of you who want to share your feelings about the book have been some of the best conversations I’ve ever had. A handful of women in particular have profoundly touched my heart by what they’ve asked and revealed, and the places we were able to go more quickly and deeply than I have with people I’ve known forever. Wish I could name names, but it’s probably better for everyone if I don’t. Hopefully you know who you are. To the best of my ability, I want to continue those conversations – so please keep the questions and comments coming!
Thank you for reading my blog. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Patricia
Website/Blog (Read every Thursday!): http://www.patriciamann.me
Facebook Friend Page (Friend me!): http://www.facebook.com/patricia.mann.969
Facebook Fan Page (Like me!): http://www.facebook.com/pages/Patricia-Mann/325125214262516?fref=ts
Twitter (Follow me!): https://twitter.com/PatriciaMann11
Amazon (Recommend the book!): http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ASDTQQI
3 Comments
Patricia,
It is heartbreaking that people have compelled you to explain yourself and the choices of your FICTIONAL character! I feel that your book did a magnificent job of doing exactly what you wanted it to do… It was a cautionary tale of one woman’s heart and HER choices. It also provided the resulting consequences of those choices. It is SO much easier for us to tear down others and judge their decisions than it is for us to dissect our own inner feelings and choices. EVERY choice has a consequence and we choose those consequences whether consciously or otherwise. Your novel conveyed that message eloquently. Perhaps those readers need to reacquaint themselves with the differences between a memoir and a work of fiction. Your novel will probably help hundreds of women confront their own inner demons and resolve their feelings in a healthier way. How wonderful is that?! I can’t wait to see where Beth goes on her journey of self discovery! Keep your mind focused and your heart nourished, Patricia. Don’t allow ANYONE to make you doubt yourself. You are way too amazing for that! Keep it real, Chica! (Well, real and steamy, ’cause we LOVE steamy!!) 😉
Your fan,
Nickel
Wow, Nickel, you are quite the writer yourself! I’d love to read your book when it comes out! Thank you so much for that support. Your words here and in your review are beyond kind – lifting me up and encouraging me to keep writing. I would love for my book and future books to help women confront their own inner demons, as you said. I really don’t mind responding to all the different reactions to the book. It helps me understand how readers feel, what resonates and what doesn’t. But it’s true, you’re right, sometimes I feel disappointed in myself when I read a not-so-great review. I will keep my mind focused and heart nourished, as you advise, Nickel. Very wise suggestion. My fan??? Yay, I have a fan! I think of you as a friend, really, Nickel, and love our conversations. Thanks for posting here. 🙂
As a 30 year old mom to a 12 year old boy your book touched me deeply. I chose to marry young and became a full time mother at the age of 19 to my now husbands toddler. I do not regret my choices. I love my son…technically stepson but I consider him mine…and if I had it to do over again I’d do no differently. I still can’t help those feelings of what if though and what might have been. When I read your book I really related with Beth and how she felt trapped by her choices and yearned for change…doing something for herself and basically fantasizing about a new life. In the end though it brought home the reality that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and every action has consequences. Thank you for writing Beth’s story.